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My Nickel’s Worth by Randy Ooney
Mini-Golf
Did you ever notice how some of the courses used on the PGA Tour have names for many of the holes in play? Azalea, Tea Olive, Pink Dogwood, Redbud, Holly, -- and that’s just at Augusta National!
So I’ve decided to build a mini golf course exclusively for bowlers, and name the holes appropriately.
No. 1 - Drock’s Dilemma - A great starting hole. It has been narrowed considerably to require an accurate shot. Your score is electronically calculated on a spreadsheet. No. 2 - Fish Folly - This hole will have several water hazards, but no matter what your score, you can pick up a dollar as you walk off the putting surface. No. 3 - Pumpkinhead - It will take an accurate putt to master this hole. The only hole-in-one made in the history of the hole was by the famous Irishman Jack O’Lantern. No. 4 - OTPS - The hole winds through a cave with bats hanging everywhere. Be careful. No. 5 - Windsor - An ace on this hole will give you a chance at a one million dollar mansion. No. 6 - The Reject - You must putt left handed on this hole, but a smooth stroke will produce a hole in one every time. No. 7 - Hambone - This hole is reserved only for players who know nothing about bowling. No. 8 - Otwest - The number 1 handicap hole. Remove all wrist supports, knee braces, elbow pads, but you may wear one black glove. No. 9 - drbowler - The clown face hole with the mouth always open. Knock the teeth out for a hole in one. Get a new ball for the back nine.
Ready?
No. 10 - Horsey - Work your new ball around the road apples on this green. Careful not to step in one when retrieving you ball. No. 11 - Delta Jet NW188 - This hole faces east and runs downhill. Pay attention or your ball could end up in Eau Claire, and your putter will be suspended. No. 12 - Bongo bob - In mini golf, there’s no bingo or bango challenge. Just play bongo for quarters. No.13 - Hutch - Avoid the two rabbits, no 8 rabbits, oops 26 rabbits, nope hundreds of rabbits and seek the hole in the cage with the slanted roof. No.14 - Sheesh - You are allowed 2 Mulligans on this hole but no more than 5 minutes between shots. Others are waiting. No. 15 - Palin - This hole rises to the highest point on the course. You can see Russia from the green. No. 16 - Favre - This hole is a par 4. The surface is no longer green but has been changed to purple. The hole is 40 years old, but still has plenty of pizzazz, especially in the last 2 minutes. No. 17 - Lopey - Even if you miss the shot on this hole, your ball will magically disappear. No. 18 - Lumpy - The shortest hole on the course, but extremely tough. Your ball has disappeared on the last hole so you must putt a lemon to complete the round.
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