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by Randy OoneyMy Nickel’s Worth by Randy Ooney
Target Bowling
“Hi everyone, and welcome to the year end CBA tournament finals at the beautiful new Target Lanes. I’m Dick Bummer here with my sidekick Bert Blyhead, and Bert, I never thought I would see outdoor bowling again in Minnesota, but here we are.”
“Thanks Dick, We’re ready to start the action but I can’t pronounce the names. I think the first bowler is Mike Wirtz. He starts with a nine count, and converts the spare. He left an 8 pin and he did not miss it.“
Dick: “Two strikes now for Clark Poelzer, and that’s the first double at Target Lanes. Play will be stopped while they remove the ball for the trophy case. Clark pulls out a new one from his bag. Did I mention that Target Lanes has outdoor bowling for the fans to enjoy?“
Bert: “Not only the outdoor bowling, but great concession stands. As soon as I finish these night crawlers I’m going to get one of those 10 dollar dogs they’re raving about”.
Dick: “I never thought I would see the sun causing a glint off the 12 board. Open air bowling is great, as long as the birds stay away from the foul lines.”
Bert: “Great piece of bowling by Smilin’ Carl. He just dropped the barrel of the ball on 15 and guided it right to the pocket for a strike. Carl has a 7-2 record at Target Lanes with a 245.67 average. Over 90 frames he has 63 strikes, 24 spares and only 3 open frames. My California math tells me the strike percentage is .700”.
Dick: “Carl will be taking on Sam Puntto in the next match. Sam has a long history of striking out in the CBA, nearly half of the time without even swinging the ball. But he is well known for his defensive bowling. And what a beautiful night for bowling! I never thought I would be telling fans how the wind can change the direction of the ball down the lane.”
Bert: “All of the players are bowling outstanding. And remember, if you bring your “Strike me Bert” signs to Target lanes, you could have a chance to win 100 free games at Target Lanes.”
Dick: “Matt McNeil has just thrown 12 perfect strikes for the first 300 game at Target Lanes! Imagine, a perfect game on the first night of bowling at Target Lanes. Did I mention Target Lanes is outdoors? Touch ’em all, Matt McNeil!”
Bert: “You can’t say that, only John Gordand can say that.”
Dick: “Holy Cow! I got so excited outdoors that I made a mistake. Sorry. Nuts, I forgot to give the count also”.
Bert: “You can’t say ‘Holy Cow’ either. It’s time for the Brunswick Zone trivia question.” Who founded the MSC?
Dick: “I’m going to say Don Theis.”
Bert: “Okay, I’ll go with Jim Kaat. ’Kitty, Kitty, Kitty”
Dick: “The answer is John Dorek. Let’s see, Dorek and Theis both have 5 letters so we got it right. It’s time for the 7th Frame stretch, and we have CBA director Tom Corbett in the booth. Tom, how are the players adjusting to outdoor bowling at Target Lanes?”
Tom: “It’s a little early to tell. We have to wait and see how the oil reacts to the sun beating down on the lanes.”
Dick: “You mean the lanes have been oiled up before the matches?” Tom: “That’s right Dick, they oil up the lanes about 30 minutes before the matches begin.”
Bert: “That’s about the same time that I start getting oiled up before the telecast. We have great refreshment stands here at Target Lanes.”
Dick: “I never thought I would see outdoor drinking at a bowling tournament.”
Bert: “Well, that’s it from Target Lanes. Only 216 days until my birthday. Tune in again tomorrow for another broadcast from Target Lanes. We’ll be saying the same comments, except it will only be 215 days until my birthday.”
Dick: “Weather permitting of course. Wow, I never thought I would have to say ‘weather permitting’ for a bowling match.”
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